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Reveal Yourself

You humiliated me in public.

Made me feel ashamed.

Told me it was my fault, I had no one else to blame.

Coward, you wouldn’t know justice, if she smacked you in the face.

If you’re the one who’s right, then put me in my place.

Reveal yourself, show me who you are.

You hide behind your tinted window, real close but yet so far.

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I’m A Creator, A Poet, A Songwriter II

lessons-ive-learned

With Words I create emotions
Emotions stir feelings
Feelings before now were forgotten, out of bounds, untouchable
Untouchables are people who are living to die or maybe even dying to live
Who am I?
I’m a creator, a poet, a songwriter
I invent words, words validate feelings and give meaning
Meaning justifies laughter and releases tears
Tears symbolic to living in the moment
The moment unleashes freedom to dance
Who am I?
I’m a creator, a poet, a songwriter
I create verses, verses manifest love.
Love, what is love?
I use words to paint pictures
Pictures craft visual images
Images formulate questions
Who Am I ?
I’m a creator, a poet, a songwriter
I give you a sense of purpose
Purpose calls you to action
Action forces you to have opinion take a stance.
Who am I?
I’m a creator, a poet a songwriter.

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Before I knew

My my how we’ve grown. There was a time he could have placed his hand on my lip and I would have hushed in a nano second. Now to think he has no existence in my world. Not even negatively. I am who I am because of everything I had to go through to get here.

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MAN OF GOD

I trusted you,  i believed in you, I needed you and not because I wanted you.  I needed you to lead me out of the darkness and into the light. I guess I expected too much. I shared my secrets with you, you shared them with others, you condemned me, you lied on me, you judged me,  YOU KILLED MY MOTHER.  I came to you because of your title Man of God. But now I laugh at myself because I saw the darkness that lingered above your head. That didn’t stop me. I was desperate. I needed to belong, I needed to fit in. I needed to know that everything was going to be okay. You were supposed to be my brother, my father, my leader.  You took my moments of weakness as an opportunity to exclude me, to separate me, to make me feel less than , to let me know how unimportant I was in your world. You broke my heart Man of God . I picked up the pieces, I moved on, you made me stronger. I no longer need your seal of approval or seek your acceptance. May God someday forgive me but I laugh at you. Now I judge you in a self righteous and hypocritical way. I shake my head and point my finger because I am no longer vulnerable. My God is still the same and now my ministers are on tv.

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Love Me Sane

Chapter 1 March 1987

“What?” I yell as I fall from the bed onto the floor landing on my butt.  The repercussions of last night’s self-induced coma. It’s my dorm room suite mate. We’re not roommates. Our only connection is the phone built in the wall in between the two rooms. I don’t like her, I’ve given her a name. I call her the klepto from Carmel. She’s a rebel without a cause. The blonde-haired, blue-eyed princess can go into any store and within a matter of minutes rob them blind. The store clerk is too busy following me around to notice she’s the one stealing. Being from a family of old money there’s no reason for her to steal.

“Telephone.” Timidly, she hands me the phone through the box. She’s tried on several occasions to befriend me, but I see no point in it. Her friends are the elite whiners, the ones who’d rather snort coke than smoke a joint, or drink a beer through a bong instead of out of a can. They’re so sneaky and manipulative they can as an old acquaintance used to say, “Piss in your face, tell you it‘s raining and have you believe it. I don’t like loud mouth people who talk so much they bring my buzz down. When I’m high, I’m mellow and laid back.

While I’m on the floor, I reach up.  Thinking to myself if it’s my mother this time I’m gonna let her have it. For the last couple of months, she’s called me at 7:00 am. She knows something is going on with me. This makes me wonder how she missed the other signs.

“Hello.” I say.

“Hello Stacey.” Mother says. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sleeping.”

“Why is your neighbor always awake and you’re always asleep when I call?”

Along with the cottonmouth and the dizziness the agitation sets in.

“Because, I just got in.”

Feeling sick to my stomach from overdoing it last night while dancing, I lash out. I wonder what she’d say if she knew, I spent the night smoking pot, tripping on acid and eating mushrooms while dancing in a room full of perverted well to do old men? Who by the way paid a pretty penny for a lap dance and a three- minute erection.

“I’m calling to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye Mom, I love you.”

‘I love you too.”

I hang up the phone, and I climb back into bed. The next call is from my friend Stephanie, she calls a little after one. Stephanie is a cool, laid back white girl who like me has had her share of hard knocks. We’re so close she trusts me with her money. She’s how I got introduced to the game. I started going with her so I could collect her money. She was too high to do two things at once, like dancing and maintaining her cash flow. Stephanie and I got along so well because our personalities could totally relate to each other. Both of us were very laid back. We were only uptight when we needed to be, but not usually. We would have survived the hippie generation with ease. She had the looks of a beauty queen, but never high maintenance. It was easy for her to make a thousand dollars in one night. After a while, I began making the same amount of money. At first, I thought it was me riding on her coat tail. Then I realized white men are just as attracted to black women as black men are attracted to white women. Both races are curious about the unknown.

“Hey girl whatcha doing?” The only sentence she ever spoke where she sounded like a black girl. Equally comfortable in our own skin, we never tried to be each other.

“I’m still lying down.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. It’s almost 2:00. What you still doing sleeping?”

“I’m tired as hell. What you doing up?”

“I’m calling to see if you wanna go shopping? I’d like to pick up some new teddies and go for a drink.”

“Okay, do you have any speed?”

“Yeah, I’ve got some Pink Hearts and Black Beauties.”

“Okay, meet me at my room. Don’t forget to bring me some energy.”

“Okay, see yaw in a bit.”

“Alright, later.”

I get up, grab my soap basket and shoes on my way to the shower. Still feeling groggy and slightly stumbling down the hall, the Carmel klepto says, “Are you okay?”

“Yeh, I’m fine. Hey listen, I’m sorry I was so mean to you this morning.”

“No problem.” She says.

After the shower, I take the elevator down the stairs, to stand in front of the all-girls dorm.

While I’m waiting, I smoke a cigarette.

Here comes Stephanie walking down the road, full of energy.  I look at her and say “What’s going on with you bitch? Why are you so energetic?” She tells me about the wild night she had with her friend Todd after we parted ways. She calls him her friend; I call him her fucking buddy.

“Did you bring the Pink Hearts and the Black Beauties?”

“Yeah, I brought both, you choose.”

The Black Beauties are too much to go with what’s already going on, so I take one Pink Heart and pop it into my mouth. We walk up to my dorm room. I grab my purse and keys. Slowly, we stroll to the bus stop to start our journey of getting ready for the night.

PURCHASE LOVE ME SANE

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I’m Here

No matter how many times I fall, by the Grace of God I will pick myself up, brush myself off and move forward. No matter how many enemies I gain or friends I loose the world will have no choice but to respect me and to acknowledge that I was here and my small contribution has made a difference. Tralisa McNeal

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THE TALK  
YOU KNOW WHAT’S DISTURBING TO ME IS THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE A VICTIM OF RACIAL PROFILING COMMENTING AND AGREEING WITH ZIMMERMAN. YOU WOULD THINKTOTALLY DIFFERENT HAD IT OF BEEN YOUR CHILD. LET ME BREAK IT DOWN TO YOU THIS WAY. FOR STARTERS LET ME SAY I’M CONCERNED ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SETTING THINGS ON FIRE AND DOING RIDICULOUS THINGS LIKE VANDALIZING STORE…S WHEN WE HAVE A SERIOUS ISSUE TO RESOLVE AND WHEN PEOPLE NO MATTER WHO RESORTS TO CRIMINAL ACTIVITY THAT IS ONLY TAKING AWAY FROM THE TRUE ISSUE AT HAND AND NOT RESOLVING THE ISSUE. BECAUSE NOW INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON THE PROBLEM THEY ARE FOCUSED ON THE UNREASONABLENESS OF THOSE ACTIONS. HERE IS THE TALK I AM REFERRING TO. I AM MOTHER OF A YOUNG BLACK MALE CHILD. I HAVE RAISED MY CHILD WITH CONSTANT LOVE, ATTENTION AND VALUES. I HAVE RAISED HIM TO LOVE EVERYBODY. BECAUSE I RAISED MY CHILD IN THIS MANNER HE HAS FRIENDS OF OTHER RACES AND SOMETIMES HE DATES OUTSIDE HIS RACE. SO ONE DAY I HAD TO SAY TO MY SON YOU CAN’T GO WHERE THEY GO ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT, YOU CAN’T DO WHAT THEY DO. OF COURSE HE WANTS TO KNOW WHY SO YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE LIKE GEORGE ZIMMERMAN WHO MAY WANT TO FOLLOW YOU DOWN AND HUNT YOU LIKE A DOG BECAUSE YOURE BLACK AND HAVE ON A HOODIE. OR LIKE GERALDO WHO MAY SAY THINGS LIKE YOU’RE IN THE WRONG PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS, THIS TAKES AWAY SOME OF YOUR CHILD’S INNOCENCE BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM TOO MUCH FOR THEM TO BECOME ANOTHER STATISTIC. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE EVERYTIME YOUR CHILD WALKS OUT THE FRONT DOOR TO WORRY IF HE WILL RETURN SAFELY AND UNHARMED

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July 16, 2013 · 3:30 pm